Saturday, October 11, 2008


For several years, I have been involved in fantasy football. I love football and I love fantasies. What's not to like?

If you don't know what fantasy football is, you may want to stop reading. I'm not going to explain it, but I will say this, fantasy football is a way for the athletically untalented and the otherwise incompetent loser to pretend to be the big shot running a professional sports team. It makes me feel like a big man when I make decisions that help me win.

To be successful at fantasy football, one must make several decisions. Often it is a crap shoot, but sometimes it is an easy choice. Like should I start Adrian Peterson or Darren Sproles. Easy.

To make good decisions, you need a lot on information. One piece of info is the injury report. It really sucks when a player is a game-time decision and you don't find out they are out of the lineup after the first play. By then it is too late.

I was surprised to find out this week that my #1 tight end, Kellen Winslow, has a certain affliction. Apparently his testicles have swollen to the size of grapefruits. OK, that sucks (mostly for him of course, but this affects me to).

What shocks me the most is that he is still listed as "questionable" which means there is a 50-50 chance he will play! What!!! He's got a pair the size of grapefruits and he might play?!?!?
If my boys are ever the size of any citrus fruit, I'm taking the day off.

Sure, these reports have not been confirmed and they may be false, but when has the internet ever provided inaccurate information?


the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Is it a penalty for him to bring the wheelbarrow he's pushing around in front of him on the field?

Chemgeek said...

That actually raises a good point. How does one transport his citrus fruit sized friends? I hope I never find out.

Lisa-tastrophies said...

WOW. I have to say I am impressed. Guess I will never be able to say "man, that guy has some balls" without giggling at this as it flashes through my mind.

medchemgirl said...

Yep. I heard he got another Staph infection. Hopefully, he can get that cured without any trouble and then not sit on the benches without a towel in the future.