Saturday, October 13, 2007

So much for the English language

I know this has nothing to do with chemistry or beer, but sometimes I need to vent. I love sports. I love football a lot, but I hate football commentators a lot. Face it, they are idiots.

The play-by-play guys are usually OK, but the color commentators are simply the worst people on the face of the earth. OK, maybe it's not that bad, but you must admit, they tend to say some really stupid things. I say stupid things all of the time. I know how it can happen, but the difference is I try not to say them over and over.

I'm referring to the cursed sports cliché. The phrase #1 is overused and #2 doesn't make any sense in the first place.

There are many. Some come and go. Others persist like a bad rash. The one that inspired this gripe is one of the stupidest. I heard it thrice today and I didn't even spend much time watching football today.
The phrase: "he caught the ball at its highest point." Idiots. No he didn't catch it at its highest point. When the ball was at its highest point, it was probably 20 feet high. No one can jump that high except maybe my childhood hero, Javier.

A better and as effect phrase would be "he caught the ball at the apex of his jump." See, you get to use the word "apex." That is a really cool word. The guys in the booth with you will look in amazement and decide that for a washed-up, former NFL star, you just might be "OK"

And another thing.... the word "literally" is not to be used as a word of emphasis. It means what you are saying happened in fact. So, don't say "he was literally flying down the sideline" unless the running back had sprouted wings and was actually flying like a bird down the sideline.

I know, I know. "Literally" can be used in an informal way to add emphasis. I'm just saying that that usage should be reserved for special occasions.

5 comments:

Ψ*Ψ said...

Since you posted about football tonight, I get to leave this comment here:
WE BEAT LSU!!!!!!!!
I'm just glad the rioters didn't burn my house down or anything--I live in the middle of the party district.

Chemgeek said...

that was awesome. I don't dislike LSU, but it was nice to see Kentucky get a solid win. And an exciting one at that.

Ψ*Ψ said...

I don't really care enough about football to dislike any team, with the obvious exception of Lousiville. I think most people here were expecting a loss, especially after the South Carolina game.

marcus said...

I know what you mean...literally.

This weekend I heard a football commentator say "everyone has to man up & physical it up". What?!?!

mjenks said...

Ah, I see my crazed dislike of sports announcers has been picked up by another. That's always good to see.

And, for the record, if you're doing the broadcast for, oh, say, Notre Dame, don't spend 4 hours publically fellating the offensive coordinator for the other team. k? thx. goodbye.