Friday, February 27, 2009

Done and done

It's all done. As I sit here with an ice pack on my decommissioned babymakers, let me give you a brief recap of my experience.

I showed up at noon and took my single (1) xanax tablet. In the procedure room, the nurse describe how I was going to prep myself for surgery. She told be to scrub with the betadine and then she said, "tape your penis to your abdomen." I said, "you mean my chest? he he he he."

OK, that last exchange didn't happen, but it would have been funny if I had the betadine soaked balls to say it.

The doctor came in (along with the nurse and a resident) and started the procedure. A little numbing, a little cutting, a little pulling, a little cutting, a little cauterizing.

During the procedure we had a pretty good conversation going. I asked if I would be able to go to work on Monday. My doctor said, "Probably." I said, "Good, but I'm sure my Biochemistry students wouldn't mind if they did have lab." That's when the resident said, "Biochemistry!!! I hated Biochemistry. My teacher was a jerk etc...."

Remember, I was sprawled out on a table with my testicles fully exposed and she was armed with sharp things and I had just pulled suppressed memories of an evil biochemistry back into her consciousness. For a moment I was a bit scared. Thankfully, she was able to pull herself back into a professional demeanor and not stab a Mayo scissors into my scrotum.

Everything went well. I left feeling no pain. When my wife got me home I went right to bed and slept soundly until the stuff wore off.

I'm not in too much pain right now. It feels like I got punched in the balls which isn't fun, but at least it doesn't feel like I got stabbed in the wee wee. I expect things will be different tomorrow.


Lisa-tastrophies said...

OMG!! You went through that with only 1 XANAX???? Crap, I have my teeth cleaned and it calls for two and a box of Ho-ho's. I'm fairly certain if I had nuts and anyone was going to go within ten feet of them with a sharp knife and a bad Biochem memory, I would have half a bottle downed before anyone could say "carbon-based life form".
I salute you, Chemgeek! You are a braver man than I.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Yeah, how many ho-hos were in with that xanax?

See, if I had had the conversation about the bad biochem teacher, I would have said something to the effect of "woah, slow down there, sparky, and let's recite the Krebs cycle before you go slicing and dicing down yonder." And then I would have demanded a cookie.

Chemgeek said...

Lisa- I know, I would not have minded a few more xanax's.

Mjenks- Funny you say that. One bad memory she told me about was that on an exam her prof expected them to write a 2 page essay on the Krebs cycle. She was not happy about that.

Liberal Arts Chemist said...

Well done! For my "procedure" the door was open and people kept popping their heads into the room to talk to the Dr. about other patients. That was more disconcerting than when the Dr. held up the excised 2 cm sections of the tubes for me to inspect and verify both sides were disconnected. That and having the hair growing back over the healing scar, man, talk about the itch that dare not speak its name.

Now you can look forward to the "clearing of the pipes" and the testing for swimmers. I had to submit specimens to a testing service that seemed to only hire high school aged women who just had to know when the sample was "produced". I just wanted to slink in and out while wearing a trenchcoat and sunglasses but noooo, every time there was a lineup. Just what do you say to the guy a head of you with a specimen cup anyway?

Just keep your eyes on the prize and Buck Studly will make his appearance in the spring.

Anonymous said...

WOW...Get well soon.

Ψ*Ψ said...

glad to hear it went OK! hope you recover quickly :)

milkshake said...

You should definitely wear the dark glasses and the trench coat when you are there the provide the specimen. Then in one quick movement surprise the teen-age technician and ask her if everything is healing fine, and if she would be interested to see your van.