Worst website on the nets

Biggest mall in the USA.

Worst website in the world.

Functionality has been replace with gimmics to the point of excessive suckiness.

Devistating

The finest in all media outlets:

We all make mistakes. At least it was changed moments later. Still, it's a bit embarrassing.

New coach for my NBA team

I admit it. I am a Minnesota Timberwolves fan. There! I admitted it. Step one.

The T-wolves have fallen on hard times...again. With the exception of a few weeks during the Kevin Garnett MVP season, the hard times are the only times we T-Wolf fans know. The Clippers of the Midwest.

Today, the Timberwolves hired former Laker player and current Laker assistant coach Kurt Rambis as their new head coach. Well, I don't know if this will help matters, but it does provide me with some blog fodder. Let's go....

First of all, I am a little concerned about the confusion that this may cause. You see, Kurt Rambis looks an aweful lot like our governor.

Here is Rambis:

Here is Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty:
Much too similar. The cases of mistaken identity will sky rocket in MN as Gov. Pawlenty will constantly be asked how he is going to handle the full court press and a young squad made up of 3 point gaurds while Coach Rambis will constantly be asked how he plans to reduce the budget shortfall and about his thoughts on light rail. People can expect an abundance confused looks and blank stares.

Here is my solution. I suggest, nay, I demand that Rambis adopt his look of old like this:
No one will confuse him for anyone else.

My second gripe. Hey LA, if you are going to steal a basketball team from Minnesota, maybe you should change the freakin name!!! Good grief. Show me a lake in L.A. and I will show you an emergency drinking water supply!!!

It's hard to find good help these days

If you are going to do a job, it's always a good idea to know how to do your job. If you hire someone to do a job you should train them to do the job if necessary.

A few days ago I went out with my wife to celebrate the anniversary of the day my mom went through great torment to rid me of her body. In the process I came across two incompetent bartenders.

#1

Leinenkugel's brewery is a "craft" brewer (now swallowed up by a big corporation) in Wisconsin that has for years provided my area with fine beer. At one location I ordered a Leinie's Amber. What I got was a Leinie's Honey Weiss. I pointed out the error assuming she made a simple mistake, but she hadn't. She went to the correct tap (the one labeled Amber) and out flowed Honey Wiess. She drew some beer off of the Honey Wiess tap and out flowed something like Bud Light. Oops, someone must have connected the kegs wrong. She went and checked the kegs, but returned claiming they were correct. Maybe from what she could tell, they were correct, but from what was in the glasses, I could tell things were not correct. The bartender would not believe me that the beers were wrong. Eventhough the empirical and analytical data suggested a problem, she would not be persuaded. I didn't stick around to do more research, but here is the conclusion I could make: Honey Wiess was coming out of the Amber tap, Bud Light (or any other light macrobrew) was coming out of the Honey Weiss tap, and Sam Adams was coming out of the Sam Adams tap. 1 out of 3 will get you in the Hall of Fame.

#2

Different place. While I do love beer, I also like me a good cocktail. We went to one of those classy joints that has about 30 special drinks on a menu. These drinks range from martinis to chocolate drinks to whisky drinks. The first drink I ordered was prepared to perfection by bartender #1. I was pleased, but he left and for my second drink I had to deal with bartender #2. I said, "I'd like a Johnny Walker Manhattan, please." She looked at me with a look of complete confusion and said, "You're going to have to help me with that one." I explained a bit further that I wanted a Manhattan made with Johnny Walker (Red of course, I'm not rich enough for the Black and certainly not the Blue). She was still confused so I had to walk her through the whole drink making process from the whisky to the sweet vermouth to the cherries. To make this worse, a Mahattan was listed on their menu!!! I didn't leave a tip, which for me is VERY unusual.

After that my wife and I decided to go to a place where we could get our drinks made correctly. So, we went home.

This is why I hate Microsoft

Try typing the following CAS# into Excel: 7440-05-3

Now, try to keep Excel in it's infinite wisdom from changing it into something else like a date or a random number.

If anyone knows how to force Excel to keep the number the way I type it, let me know before I punch my computer.

I've tried everything.

Depressing

Ugh, we have a pond behind our house. It is covered with ice... again.

Will this winter never end?

Today, in an attempt to appease the gods of winter (who are all bastards, by the way) I shall sacrifice some grains to them by allowing some chosen yeast to eat their innards.

Behold, the Chosen Ones (by, 'Ones' I mean 'Billions'):
The gods better be pleased.


UPDATE: I just realize the picture I posted is essentially a yeast orgy as they reproduce by budding. I'm sorry if I offended anyone's delicate sensibilities with my pornographic picture.

HF is in what?

Today in Pennsylvania, a truck carrying hydrofluoric acid (HF) overturned. CNN.com had a story about it. As so often happens, the main stream media continues to display a certain degree of scientific illiteracy.

In the story the author wrote:

It also is an ingredient in high-octane gasoline, refrigerants, aluminum and light bulbs.

HF is indeed a nasty little molecule that demands a great deal of respect, but I can assure you, it is NOT an ingredient in gasoline, refrigerants, aluminum and light bulbs. HF is used in the manufacturing of these things, but it is not an ingredient. A subtle difference, but an important one. Even a quick Wikipedia search could have helped.

If you don't understand science, don't write AP stories related to science. That's why I don't write AP stories about poetry, cricket or knitting. I know what these things are, but I don't know enough to be accurate.

NOTE: I was going include a picture showing some HF accidents, but some of them were too gruesome. I didn't want to gross out any unsuspecting reader. Do your own search.

The year begins

So, Milkshake asked me to tell a little about the start of the school year here at my institution.

That is a great idea. Here it is:

OK, it's not supposed to be this stressful, and it usually isn't. However, the summer for me has been loaded with (as I have alluded to before) the Great Crap related to an impending accreditation review for my school. That's a bit of a big deal if you are in the business of higher education. And, it's an even bigger deal for me because I'm in charge (partially) of getting everything ready. I am really ready for summer vacation fall break winter break.


OK, I'm feeling better. This is very therepeutic tharepeutic theraputic therepuetic STUPID F-ING SPELL CHECK!!! JUST TELL HOW THE F*CK TO SPELL THERAPEUTIC BEFORE I BREAK YOUR FREAKIN SILICON!!!!!

OK, sorry, I'm better now. really. honestly.
So, how does the school year start at my school?

Students move into dorms on Saturday (yesterday).
Girls spend that night figuring out which tank tops to wear during the week.
Boys spend the night trying convince dorm mates that they where the shit in high school.
Matriculation service on Sunday afternoon followed by a campus picnic.
Girls wearing tank tops meet boys who think they were the shit in high school.
Monday is orientation day. All first years report for two hours of blah, blah, blah very useful information.
After that I meet my new advisees, all of whom are probably delusional pre-meds. Oh well, a bit of Organic Chemistry should take care of that.
The rest of the day is spent by me prepping for classes.
On Tuesday, classes officially begin. Lives start to change, for better or for worse.

OK, through most of this post I have been a bit cynical, but that last sentence is true. I've been heavily involved with non-teaching activities related to academic policy during the summer. Right now, I just want to teach. I realize accreditation is important, but (here comes the cynicism again) so much of it comes down to budget. Yes, a school needs to financially stay afloat, but we get paid crap to do what we love to do and what we love to do is why the school is here. This is a place of learning and not just teaching. It's not just about the bottom line.

I am very excited to see my returning students and to meet the new ones. I can't wait to help them learn new things. I can't wait to help them see how cool the molecular level is. I can't wait to torture them with Organic nomenclature teach them about carbon.

I love teaching and I love my job. There are still sooooooooo many non-teaching things that must be done that detract from the teaching, but I still love to go to work.

Thanks Dr. Phil. I feel much better.

negative log of what, exactly?

I love the show How It's Made. But tonight, I was annoyed. They were showing how aluminum cans are made. Nothing too fancy. What I did find interesting is that after the can is made, it is rinsed out with hydrofluoric acid. The acid etches away some of the metal and any aluminum oxide as a way of preparing it for the sprayed on can liner. The sprayed on can liner puts a barrier between my beer and the aluminum metal.

OK, so what annoyed me? The narrator said that after the acid bath, the cans were rinsed 4 times with deionized water "which does not have a pH."

For those of you in the know, I'm sure you will join in my annoyance with how basic chemical concepts have been totally ignored.

For those who don't know what I'm talking about, don't worry. I'm going to write a post about it in a day or two.

This Bud's for someone else

I have nothing against Belgium. Nor do I have a dispute with their brewing tradition. Far from it.[1] Belgium is great for beer even if most Americans don't even know where it is.[2] What annoys me is that a Belgium company now owns (or will soon own) America's largest brewery.

Anheuser-Busch, while not a brewer of finely crafted brews[3], is an American institution. And now, it's owned by Europeans.

I have enjoyed many an A-B beer. Many. Now, I am less inclined, in fact, not inclined at all to drink a beer that sold out this badly.

Sure, business is important, but what about being true to those who built you up in the first place: The American Beer Drinker (ABD).[4] Thanks for the kick in the nuts you greedy share-holders and executives. You may as well get a job in the gasoline industry. That's where a lot of money can be made screwing over the American consumer.

For InBev and the Belgium investors, good for you. I hope it works out. For those who sold out, I hope you drown in a vat of beer because you couldn't drink it all.


P.S. I will no longer voluntarily consume an A-B product. That should teach them.

[1] Not a sentence.
[2] It's 2nd behind France in closeness to England.
[3] this point could be argued... even by me. But then, I argue with myself too much.
[4] Oh, so that's what that means.

I am now anti "go green"

I think of a lot of things. Recently, when the trees were finally forming leaves[1], I was thinking about chlorophyll. The area is finally turning green and the amount of chlorophyll being produced by trees is no doubt in the "ton" range.[2]

I got to thinking about the visible spectrum of chlorophyll a and b. Here is a picture from Wikipedia:
Do you notice anything? Look at the spectrum again and think about it for a second.

Let me ask you this: Why do leaves (most of them) look green?

Yup, because they don't absorb the green wavelengths of light. They don't absorb anything in the 500-550 nm range. In other words, green plants reject the color green!!!!

Allow me to personify. Plants hate green and they will have nothing to do with it. That is why they do not absorb green wavelengths of light. Plants DO like blue and red light. They absorb those wavelengths with glee. Plants hate green and love blue and red.

If you care about plants (and I hope you do because your survival depends on them) you should have the courtesy to reject what plants reject: GREEN.

I'm in favor of plants so I will not "Go Green" for anything. I will "Go Red and Blue". That's what plants like, and I like plants.


[1] We're still waiting for solid Spring weather.
[2] That would be an interesting calculation to figure out what mass of chlorophyll (all types) are stored in one tree.

yuck

Dear reader,

Grading sucks.

Your pal,

Eric

No time to brew

I am having one of the busiest semesters of my teaching career. As we approach the end of the semester, things only get busier.

The race analogy is overused and cliché, but....

Teaching is like running a race.

Back in my high school days, I was on the field and track team. I know, it's supposed to be "track and field," but my forte was in jumping events, and I have a greater love for the field events.[1] While jumping was what interested me most, I was also a pretty decent long distance runner. The only problem is that I hated[2] running long distances. I could do it, but I didn't like it. Through incremental apathy I eventually worked my way down from running the mile to the 400 meter "dash."

The 400 meters is an interesting race. It is essentially a sprint. There is no time to coast. Once around the track as fast as you can go. The first 300 meters is tolerable, but the last 100 meters is torture. There is something about rounding that corner, seeing the finish line and feeling the lactic acid[3] in your legs screaming to be oxidized back to pyruvate. It is something that only feels good when you've reached the 402 meter mark.

That's how teaching college feels to me. It starts at a sprint and does not slow down. For most of the semester, the pace is tolerable. But, the last 3 weeks are frenzied with activity and laced with lactate burn. The end is in sight, but to reach it will require some pain.

What I really mean to say is: I want to brew some beer but time and energy are lacking. Maybe I'll just have to carve out a chunk of time to brew and screw the rest.[4]


[1] I still hold my high school's high jump record. Of course, that was about 25 pounds ago.
[2] and hate
[3] actually, lactate.
[4] that is one of the weirdest sentences I have ever written "brew and screw?" What the hell is that?

Reading the literature

We are on Spring Break and since I won't be heading anywhere warm, I have decided to catch up on a few things.

For me (and many of my faculty colleagues) breaks are not about sitting at home watching the Price is Right and eating cheese puff[1]. It is about trying to catch up. An academic season is always frantic and busy and by this point, things have been sitting on the back burner[2] too long.

One of the things I try to do is read some literature. I am terrible at reading the chemical literature. It's not that I'm not interested. There are two significant limitations.

1) lack of access. The only journals I have access to are JOC and Org Let[3]. Our library is terrible in this regard. Oh, I've complained, but it is just too expensive. My only access comes from personal subscriptions. I'd love to have JACS, Angewandte Chemie, Chem. Comm, etc even Tet Let, but sadly, that is not possible.

2) lack of time. I will admit I am a bit unmotivated at times, but all of my time is consumed with my teaching and administrative duties. How does this schedule sound. I start teaching at 10:30AM and teach three classes in a row. I'm done teaching at 1:20. Then on 4 days of the week I have a lab at 1:30 until 4:20PM. That means I am in a classroom or lab with students from 10:30AM to 4:20 nearly every day. Add to that all of the prep time etc.... OK, I got a little carried away there. I didn't mean for this to be a rant....

So, I am spending some my break reading journal articles. Which brings me to the point of this post[4]: I cannot for the life of me, read journals on a computer. Unless I'm just scanning it in an attempt to get a summary idea, I must print the thing out and have it in my hands. Especially with synthesis papers. I have tried. I would prefer to save a few trees. But, I can't do it.

Having online access is great. It is also a lot cheaper, but I still print everything out that I want to read.

For those of you in the sciences, do you read journal articles on your computer?

UPDATE: Just my luck. When I do have time to read journals, the ACS site is down for maintenance:(

[1] both are actually things I don't like anyways.
[2] bunsen, of course.
[3] Journal of Organic Chemistry and Organic Letters
[4] it's about time, jerk!!!

So much for the English language

I know this has nothing to do with chemistry or beer, but sometimes I need to vent. I love sports. I love football a lot, but I hate football commentators a lot. Face it, they are idiots.

The play-by-play guys are usually OK, but the color commentators are simply the worst people on the face of the earth. OK, maybe it's not that bad, but you must admit, they tend to say some really stupid things. I say stupid things all of the time. I know how it can happen, but the difference is I try not to say them over and over.

I'm referring to the cursed sports cliché. The phrase #1 is overused and #2 doesn't make any sense in the first place.

There are many. Some come and go. Others persist like a bad rash. The one that inspired this gripe is one of the stupidest. I heard it thrice today and I didn't even spend much time watching football today.
The phrase: "he caught the ball at its highest point." Idiots. No he didn't catch it at its highest point. When the ball was at its highest point, it was probably 20 feet high. No one can jump that high except maybe my childhood hero, Javier.

A better and as effect phrase would be "he caught the ball at the apex of his jump." See, you get to use the word "apex." That is a really cool word. The guys in the booth with you will look in amazement and decide that for a washed-up, former NFL star, you just might be "OK"

And another thing.... the word "literally" is not to be used as a word of emphasis. It means what you are saying happened in fact. So, don't say "he was literally flying down the sideline" unless the running back had sprouted wings and was actually flying like a bird down the sideline.

I know, I know. "Literally" can be used in an informal way to add emphasis. I'm just saying that that usage should be reserved for special occasions.

Gripe

I have not had much time to post lately, which is the reason for this post.

First of all, I love my job. I love teaching. I think I'm moderately good at it. If my efforts are not beneficial at least they are not detrimental. Of course, I may be totally wrong. I know full well I am not the best teacher, but I work hard to be like the best teachers I have had and admire.

What annoys me the most is the non-faculty people (i.e. staff on 12 month contracts) I work with that take every chance they get to throw the old "must be nice to have summers off" crap around. I seriously believe that they think I (and my faculty colleagues) spend the entire summer sitting on the beach sipping margaritas, while they were toiling away navigating endless paperwork and waxing floors.

Now, I must also say right now that this is not a "woe is me" type post (i.e. rant). I am not saying I have it harder than anyone else. What I am saying is being a teacher is a hell of a lot of work. And frankly a lot of work that I really enjoy.[1]

First, I do get most of my summers "off." What that really means, is that I am not on a schedule. My time is usually much more flexible and less constrained by forces I can't control. That is one of the perks I love about this job. HOWEVER, that does not mean I have nothing to do!! From when the semester ends to when it begins again, I have labs to clean, machines to maintain, curriculum to device, usually a new course to plan, chemicals to dispose of etc... There is a lot of work that has to be done. Plus I run a science camp that takes a lot of time.[3] True I am not locked into the 8-5 schedule, but I am doing many things.

Second, teaching is a 12 month job crammed into 9 months. Seriously!!! With all of the things one has to do as a teacher at the college level[4] time is the most valuable commodity. Tonight, for the first time since the start of the semester, I am not working on school related things. A typical schedule involves me arriving at school by 8:30 am (after dropping off a child at preschool) and working until 5PM. I go home and once the children are in bed around 8PM, I start preparing for the next day. On weekends sometimes Saturday but almost always Sunday night, I am working on school things. And, it's not like all of these hours are making me excel at my job. They are necessary to give the students what they pay for and to accommodate the endless hours of committee work required to make a college work.

Sorry for the long rant. I'm not looking for your pity, but you must understand, teaching is a lot of work and it requires long hard hours and many sacrifices.

At least I am very well paid. For my labors, I pull in a 7 figure salary.[5]

[1] sorry, I'm getting a little crazy with the bold and italixs.[2]
[2] I really think "italics " should be spelled with an "x." It just looks cool.
[3] But I really enjoy it.
[4] I can say nothing about other levels since I have no experience.
[5] If you count the digits after the decimal point or convert my dollars to centidollars.