This past week I was helping move my parents to their new house. During the move of something heavy down a short flight of stairs, I slipped and the heavy thing coupled with the acceleration due to gravity propelled me into the pointy part of a wood railing. The result was a lot of pain, a lot of bad words I'm glad my kids didn't hear, and one bitchin' bruise. Check it out:

The good news is that I drink a lot of beer and have an adorable beer belly. The fat in my belly prevented the pointy railing from puncturing my duodenum or something. As a safety precaution, I will continue to drink beer.